How to use the power of conflict in conversations

We’ve all been there. You’re talking to a patient and things start to get heated, you’re no longer seeing eye to eye and you would rather be anywhere but there in that moment.

When I was in school, I would do anything to try to avoid these heated, awkward, tense conversations with patients. Or I would try to talk my way out of them - showing every piece of photo, x ray, or diagnostic evidence to the patient that I could.

Now a days, I not only know that these conversations are unfortunately inevitable, but on a positive note - actually, helpful???

Hear me out: now of course not all conflict is created equal…

But when in a controlled environment where both people want to make progress, conflict can:

• force us to listen and actually HEAR

• help us develop creative solutions to problems

• make progress in a long term relationship with patients

Conflict doesn’t feel good, in fact, it feels wrong. As a people pleaser, it feels like you’re in trouble or did something wrong. It triggers painful emotions and negative beliefs that you have about yourself.

But if we can learn to see conflict as productive, and check our egos at the door, it is imperative to deepen our relationships.

For example:

I had a patient that I recommended an implant for - I explained how he was the perfect candidate for an implant, the surrounding teeth were perfectly fine, an implant would be way easier to take care of, etc. - ultimately he vehemently insisted he didn’t want an implant and just wanted a bridge.

He just kept repeating that he knew a bridge was what was best for him and felt every dentist just kept pushing implants on him.

Tone is everything - the tone of the room was tense.

But instead of getting more frustrated or scared of the tension and running away from the conflict, I decided I needed to try one more time to dig deeper and kept asking him to clarify why - why it was best for him and what best for him meant.

And that’s when I really got to see and hear him:

He always felt insecure about how his teeth looked, he felt his smile changed as he aged, and he was hopeful that by doing a bridge he would achieve a better aesthetic result on the teeth next to the space that was missing a tooth.

Now this is a pretty simple, straightforward explanation. Duh, once I knew he cared about the aesthetics of the teeth next to the space, a bridge was a viable option. Duh this could have been a literal 1 minute conversation.

But I bring this up because in the moment, tone and emotions can heighten our reactions, affect our judgements, and cause us to jump to conclusions before we get the full picture.

It would have been easy for me to say right off the bat: “he’s not listening to me, he’s not hearing what I’m saying” - and vice versa for him as well. But we both kept digging to understand each other.

The patient left that day requesting that I be his provider, he felt confident that I understood him and his vision and I felt confident I understood and could provide what he was looking for.

I think part of experience is knowing which situations have the potential to benefit from that digging, and which situations do not. And part of experience is also knowing when you’re getting lost in the sauce of a convo and not hearing each other. Check out this week’s episode with Dr. Britany Baker as we uncover more about navigating conflict in healthy ways, standing up for yourself / getting a backbone, and the power of self talk.

NEXT VISIT: it’s your turn to try

The next time things are getting heated in a conversation, I challenge you to dig deeper rather than running away. Ask yourself:

• how can I take this conflict less personally, not bring my own traumas/wounds into this, and make it truly about them - remind yourself you are not in trouble, this is productive

• is this a situation where we both want to make progress together

• how can we be flexible and creative to make these treatment plans work

Let’s be honest, sometimes conflict is just straight up conflict - it’s shitty and not every patient will be the right fit for you. But I challenge you to see if there can be something positive from the conflict as well.

And now, onto the last segment of this newsletter: your BUZZY BITES, the pop culture news stories of the week to make small talk with - so you can talk to anyone about anything.

BUZZY BITES:

1. LOVE IS IN THE AIR: The Golden Bachelorette’s first season is here, welcome Joan Vassos! I really loved her on the Golden Bachelor, and I can’t wait to watch because Kelsey (who won the most recent season of the Bachelor) low key had a hot dad that we discovered during hometown dates - a big part of her story line was losing her mom, and now he is a contestant on this season of the Golden Bachelorette! Read full article here.

   

   Source: ABC

2. A New Way To Travel: Wizz Airlines (which totally looks like a goofy GenZ nickelodeon version airplane???) launches $550 “all you can fly” annual subscription pass. Locations include destinations such as Greece, Madrid, Paris, Iceland - the airline plans to open 10,000 of these all you can fly memberships and anyone can book flights up to 3 days before. Read full article here!

   

   Source: Getty Images

3. Dolly Does It Again: Dolly Parton announces she’s releasing a line of makeup/ beauty products called Dolly Beauty! The collection will start with crystal encrusted lipsticks, she states she grew up making makeup in her backyard with wild berries and various combinations in the kitchen. Read full article here!

   

   Source: Dolly Beauty

Message me if this post resonated with you! That’s all for this week’s newsletter, tune into next week’s for more fun! Reply if you are dental, pharmacy, medical or anything else! Would love to hear from you!!

Thanks for reading - if you liked what you read please share this with a friend! See you next week,

xoxo, Connie